Most everyone I‘ve interacted with over the last couple of years has experienced grief, even if they couldn’t name it that at the moment. Grief is something many of us spend time trying to avoid or ward off. If you’ve tried this yourself, you likely know how grief tends to snowball and catch up with you in ways that knock you down.

To be human is to hold the gift of grief that is love.

Grief is not linear nor limited to a timeline. Grief, instead, is to be befriended so that it becomes a part of us, not something we move beyond.

My recent conversations with Creativity Lab folks have really highlighted the struggle of high achievers to balance their desire for excellence with self-compassion.

These conversations remind me of why it’s so important to minimize the pressure to meet certain expectations that we create for ourselves. As talked about last week, often those expectations are ridiculously high and unrealistic when they are set by the perfectionist, hypervigilant part of ourselves.

I am not immune to this.

Routines. Love them or hate them. I hold both feelings. 

I love them in theory. In reality, they tend to fail me. 

If you have a routine and it is paired with little motivation, procrastination is likely to set in. Pair it with a neuro-divergent brain, and routine resistance triples. Recently I talked about my new practice of nature journaling with watercolors to kick me out when I find myself procrastinating. And going out for a walk when I feel blocked and want to procrastinate.

The failure of routines then isn’t about a lack of structure or a plan. Actually when I don’t have a plan going into the week, it will likely trigger some anxiety or overwhelm. That’s counterproductive for sure. 

Instead I want to present the idea that practices are the new routines.

Want to trigger perfectionism for folks? Start up something new.

In kicking off any group coaching program or workshop, I try to stress that whatever way you show up is just right for you. However, with the start of Creativity Lab, I’m reminded of some of my own and others’ signs that perfectionism has been alerted to the potential of failure and embarrassment. Or worse, to our potential success and happiness!

Take a look at these examples and see if your perfectionism shows up in similar ways.

“What got you here won't get you there.” - Marshall Goldsmith

With the kick-off to Creativity Lab last Friday, I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity work as an invitation to change work. I’m also in deep with a lot of organizational change literature as part of my consulting work.

Here are some themes I’m noticing: 

• You have to want change. And wanting isn’t enough. Willpower isn’t an effective change technique. 

• You have to build new neural pathways with nudges - small movements - that (1) shift your mindset to be more open and (2) engage new behavioral patterns. 

• You have to then do it all consistently enough over time as you continue to reset your nervous system through embodiment and connection.

Courtship is the slow, purposeful process of pursuit. The approach is one of open curiosity and commitment. 

And this, folks, is what your creativity is waiting for from you. Do you feel that tapping on your heart?

When you shift out of the acute burnout that comes from overing, you start to yearn for something more. But not more in the usual overing way. More in the sense of deeper, more regenerative, more whole, more YOU.

If you’re like me, you gloss over the many conversations about burnout.

Burnout has become a buzzword.

We all know to avoid it, yet we live a lifestyle that reflects anxiety, overwhelm, and frustration. We may even accept that stress and anxiety are just realities of adulting.

I get it. Been there, done that.

We are here to (un)(re)learn how to live a slowed-down life so that you can make intentional, embodied choices that lead to empowered cultural and communal changes in your life and work.

Both/And is more than some trendy rhetoric. The space it creates feels much more critical.

In that space, we can drop our rigidity and walls of armor. We can soften. We can loosen our grip and hold our worlds more gently.

The transitional seasons, whether in the calendar or our lives, invite in this both/and energy and intention.

Both/And is a paradigm shift that promotes well-being and resilience in a regenerative way, so it’s particularly useful as we transition. In last week’s Grow Boldly workshop, I talked about the transition out of summer into autumn by embracing a softness of both/and.

A softness that creates space for a slow and intentional way of living and working. The both/and that embraces the energy of late summer and the abundant goodness of harvest time.

Confession. 

I thought I was ready for the ‘back to school’ seasonal transition last week. 

I wasn’t. 

And it hit me hard. Lots of overwhelm–and, this is hard to admit, some lashing out at my loved ones.

Here’s where things went wrong…

Procrastination is a symptom.

It shows up in our behaviors as a lack of action and in our mindset as a sign of where beliefs are stuck thus preventing forward movement on what you actually want.

Procrastination is wrapped up together with anxiety, worry, and stress. It’s an exhausting repetitive cycle of self-defeat.

Procrastination comes up around the time of transitions. Since it’s back-to-school time, this is a common conversation right now with clients and even my own internal dialogue.

We are at step #4: Action.

With every cycle of assess - access - align, there is a choice of change - action.

You can take embodied action through nudging your mindset and behaviors. This is how you show up and keep moving forward even when it feels like you’re not. The previous steps (assess - access - align), as one client says, are “Guide rails to refer back to when making decisions about activities to pursue and accept.” 

Action for the sake of movement just leads to saying “yes” to most everything because you think it might:

• Advance your career

• Help you outwork or outshine colleagues

• Let you look Pinterest perfect

• Make you agreeable or a ‘good girl’

• ???

I get it. There was a long time (ahem, like 40 years) where I was a ‘yeser’ for many of those reasons.

Let’s talk about step 3 - Align - today.

Align is about the way intentional, embodied alignment to your why and higher goals resets the nervous system to calm. Your why and impact is BIGGER than your j-o-b. (And remember that work is still a j-o-b even if it overlaps with your passion.)

Last week I had the honor of speaking to this year’s leaders of The Junior League of Denver as part of their Leadership Kickoff celebration.