Practices to stop the overwhelm

My recent conversations with Creativity Lab folks have really highlighted the struggle of high achievers to balance their desire for excellence with self-compassion.

These conversations remind me of why it’s so important to minimize the pressure to meet certain expectations that we create for ourselves. As talked about last week, often those expectations are ridiculously high and unrealistic when they are set by the perfectionist, hypervigilant part of ourselves.

I am not immune to this.

Recently, I had a rare, whole Saturday to myself. Everyone in my house was out and busy. I wanted to cherish this solo day with creativity and outside time. And I had a lovely day - full of exactly what I craved.

And yet.

Around 5pm, I began berating myself:

“You didn’t accomplish anything. You should’ve cleaned the kitchen. You should’ve worked on the yard. You could’ve harvested hops or tomatoes. Cam will be home soon, and what do you have to show for yourself?”

I felt my body shift from relaxed and grounded to tight and buzzy.

Dang, I felt like shit. “I guess I wasted my day,” I thought.

Then, I checked my reality: “Is that true, Tamara? Did you waste your day?”

I listed off the things I did do. Did those fall under ‘creativity and outside time’? Yes.

And the list even included some rest, with a little nap and some creative rest with writing.

“Is it true?” and “What’s my data to prove it?” are two great prompts to practice asking yourself to offer yourself a reality check in a compassionate way.

In berating myself, I was living out old stories that had grown out of hypervigilant protection. The racing mind, the untrue worries, and the heightened alert body. This part of me only wanted to protect me from invisible harms. Those old stories, though, almost hijacked a really fulfilling day.

Stories like the one I shared are so self-limiting and draining because they drive overing and do not allow for spaciousness or white space or rest. 

The practice of learning to identify your stories can help halt the overwhelm, especially when paired with somatic practices.

Next time you notice yourself judging yourself and living out old stories, do your best to:

1. Pause and take a breath or two.

2. Ask yourself “Is this story true?” and “What’s my data to prove it?”

3. Notice and name the felt sensations in your body.

4. See if you can let those feelings and that story pass.

5. Notice and name the felt sensations in your body, again.

“If we allow ourselves to acknowledge these thoughts and sensations, in other words, let them have their natural flow, they will peak, then begin to diminish and resolve.” 

- Peter Levine, Somatic Trauma Expert