Four ways perfectionism shows up
Want to trigger perfectionism for folks? Start up something new.
In kicking off any group coaching program or workshop, I try to stress that whatever way you show up is just right for you. However, with the start of Creativity Lab, I’m reminded of some of my own and others’ signs that perfectionism has been alerted to the potential of failure and embarrassment. Or worse, to our potential success and happiness!
Take a look at these examples and see if your perfectionism shows up in similar ways.
My tell-tale sign of when perfectionism has been triggered is when I begin with a disclaimer.
My disclaimer is a buffer for my perfectionism. It’s meant to let me off the hook of my own overly high self-expectations without actually changing my ridiculous expectations. [Read that last sentence a few times.]
Disclaimer example:
Sounds like: “Oh, I didn’t sleep well last night so I didn’t have time to review this morning.”
Underneath is: “I’m feeling insecure about your reaction to my work and I want to have an excuse to protect myself.”
Impact: Your brain and heart continue to hear you discount and discredit yourself or make excuses for not being prepared. It becomes self-fulfilling.
All or nothing thinking is also a sign that perfectionism has shown up to the party.
All or nothing example:
Sounds like: “I didn’t have the book yet so I didn’t attend the workshop even though it wasn’t required.”
Underneath is: “I can only show up if I’m overprepared so that I have near zero chance of not knowing something.”
Impact: You’re less open to connecting and learning with others because perfectionism puts you on the defensive.
Self-sabotaging behaviors - like giving into distractions - signal perfectionism has arrived.
I’ve written before about how I distract myself and instead take time, energy, and focus away from what I said I wanted.
Distraction example:
Sounds like: “Okay, I know I blocked this hour for my creativity work, but I’ll just send this email for a new appointment request, and then I’ll get back to it.”
Underneath is: “This scares me because it doesn’t have a clear product or task that I can check off so let me do these other things that give me an immediate reward of done.”
Impact: You start to have examples or data showing you that you can’t do something new, or change, or be creative. See the cycle continue then.
Perfection shows up as comparison - where you self-compare and then, typically, attach a lot of critical self-judgment.
I wrote about my own example when I did a round of The Artist’s Way book and found myself uncomfortable painting a crocodile the way I wanted it to look and not looking at a real image and copying someone else’s. Many of us are trained in self-judgment via impossible beauty standards, writing style rigidity, gender norms, and so much more. Self-judgment is that self-criticism that reinforces those imposter myths that pop up.
Comparison example:
Sounds like: “I’m not good at drawing like [insert a friend, relative, or colleague], so I must not be creative.”
Underneath is: “I don’t really know or value myself so I put my worthiness in what others do.”
Impact: Thoughts have such a powerful energy that when you stay in self-judgment often enough, there’s part of you that believes it.
Judgment actually hijacks the change process I talked about last week. When you self-judge, it demotivates any behavioral change you were working on and reinforces slipping into old patterns.
Your turn to reflect.
What do your perfectionism behaviors look like?
How do you know when your perfectionism has been triggered?
How does it feel in your body when you are engaged in these perfectionism behaviors?
How would it feel in your body if you let these perfectionism behaviors go?