Surrendering to Love and Light

Jul 15

I hate, (yes, as I tell my daughter, that’s a strong word), but I have hated this word – surrender – ever since I first heard it used as something to strive for in life.

WTF, does surrender even mean? Why would that be a positive thing!

Losers surrender.

And.

Am.

NOT.

LOSER.

RESIST! Resist, I say, don’t surrender! Be victorious…

Sigh…..

How, then, did I get to this place of surrender?

Back up a sec. I’m working on a return to a daily yoga/meditation practice/class. In trying out a new studio, I’m going every day, as possible. I am in need of some real intentional activities/practice that can ground and strengthen me. So, this concept of surrendering came up in one of the classes and it’s been something that’s baffled me ever since my own teacher training mostly because I’ve approached it from a place of complete resistance.

This day was different. If you know about my life these days, resistance to ‘what is’ ain’t gonna get me to where I want to go, which is forward towards living and loving life. Clearly, I’ve got to shift.

So back to surrender.

Surrender. It’s a letting go rather than a giving up. For me right now, it’s a letting go of:

The tightness.
The clinching.
The holding.
The memories of ‘used to’.

The comparisons.
The self-critique.
The judgment, ohhhh, the judgment.
The loud ego voice whispering unhelpful things like, “they’re watching you,” or worse, “they’re not watching because they don’t give a shit about you.”

Letting go of the walls around my heart.

Ahhh, there is it.

That’s what it is. That’s the purpose of surrendering for me.

The fucking walls - that could keep out armies - walls around my heart – my heart, the one part of me that I think is so fragile and yet is the strongest muscle in my being.

Surrender to the embodiment that is my body –
what a gift this human form is during my brief time on this earth.

Surrender to the pain and tears that well up when I whisper inwardly,
“just let go a little bit. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

Surrender to my path in this life that is all mine even with all its bumps, turns, and flips upside down.

Surrender to the sweet, but fleeting, moments of joy that rise up like a smile from deep within to manifest itself through the eyes.

Surrender to the beauty of nature and in those around me even when they, too, put up walls for protection.

Surrender to the love that fills my being when I hold my daughter back in my arms
after her first weekend away.

Surrendering IS victorious! Surrendering is for the warrior! And that’s who I AM.

This was yesterday, and I woke up again today (thank you, universe) and got to relearn it all again.

Surrender….

I surrender in love.

In each moment, I will have to remind myself to surrender towards the light just like the sunflower does with its sweet time on this earth. Tracking the sun’s light through its day and resting in the moon’s light at night.

Love and light to you all!