Resetting My Brain

self-carechange

Jul 4

“I’m resetting your brain!”

My (just-turned) 6-year-old daughter said to me last night while playing out front with neighbors and friends after her birthday party.

Right before she spoke these words, she hit me on the head with her fist. It hurt. She’s strong, but more than the physical pain, it hurt emotionally.

“Why would you hit me?,” I implored.

“To reset your brain,” she said quite matter-of-factly as if this was common knowledge.

I replied in the typical parent voice, “but it’s not okay to hit, and that hurt, and now it’s time to call it a night and get ready for bed.” I mean, it was almost 9pm, well past her bedtime anyway.

I got up to go inside, turning my back to hid my tears and pain on my face. While sometimes I’ve wished inner change was as easy as a knock on the head, I don’t think I ever wanted it literally.

Disclaimer: She’s a kind and loving kid, don’t misunderstand this story. And this isn’t a story about parenting. I mean, I get it, she was overstimulated, exhausted, had had lots of sugar and excitement, and didn’t want the day the end.

Me telling her it was time to wrap it up would, of course, lend itself to her wanting to ‘reset my brain’ or reconsider my parental command of the end of fun. It was a kid version of “stop killin’ my vibe, buzz-kill momma!”

I fell asleep last night slightly more exhausted than my usual exhaustion, and woke up wondering the meaning of this interaction. I have always believed that 6 years ago she made me her mom to teach me about living and loving. She has been my best and most consistent teacher in this life.

So what did/does it mean to “reset my brain” and why now (6 years almost to the minute when she breathed her first earthly breath) would she share this wisdom with me?

When I think back to that moment last night, I interrupted three essential ‘laws’ for living and loving:

1. To live in the JOY

2. To love those around us fully

3. To play and laugh with those we love

Law #1

To live in the JOY. I sure suck at this sometimes, often, let’s be honest. Instead of sitting outside watching this group of amazing kids create games and show off scooter tricks, I was inside cleaning up and milling around doing things that could’ve waited. I missed the JOY of the moment. I missed the JOY of bearing witness to their JOY.

Law #2

To love those around me fully. When my daughter loves, she loves fully. There’s no partial love or walls around her love. To be in her circle of love is nothing short of magic. Her love is like sunshine on a summer day where you feel it to your core of being and body. Yet, my love (outside of with her) is guarded behind walls with tiny cracks for the sun to get through, just a little. The other night I met another mom whose kid will be in G’s 1st grade class next year – yippee I made a friend! (how hard is it to make friends as adults!) I instantly connected with her and loved chatting. Yet, I couldn’t say those sentiments or words easily with her even though she did with me. I reflected on how I guard my love and hold back from showing it to others. I’m working on being vulnerable with people – I’m a work in progress.

Law #3

To play and laugh with those we love. This one ties the first two together, I think. To play and laugh is to live in the JOY of the moment by letting my guard down to really connect in love with those around me. My parents sent my daughter a unicorn toy that repeats everything you say in this awful, funny high pitched voice. In trying it out over FaceTime with them, we were all laughing belly laughter at the silliness and voice distortions. I realized in that moment, how long it’s been since I’ve felt and heard myself laughing deeply while playing. I’ve been aware for a while of my need to play and laugh more. Birthdays are such great reminders of that.

What I’ve loved and appreciated about being on this journey that led me to life coaching -- self-coaching and coaching with others -- is I have opportunities all through out everyday to ‘reset my brain’ - I just have to pay attention to them and be open to the lessons ( to avoid getting literally hit on the head with this lesson).

May you all have opportunities this week for living and loving in JOY and laughter!