Listening to our Internal Voice and Feeling our Way to Joy

May 4

I have a new bicycle in my life. She’s strong, beautiful, and adventurous. I don’t have a name for her yet, but I digress. This weekend I took my new bike out on dirt backroads here in Colorado and I felt it. No, I’m not talking about my sore ass, although, I most definitely feel that still as I sit here and type. But the feeling of freedom and joy! Pure fucking joy!

Somewhere during the bumping along and flying down hills, I noticed how joyful I felt. I thought about how long it had been since I biked like this (throwback to college) and I thought about how I was back in the saddle again because it felt good to me. Then I started a deeper reflection. I’ve worked intentionally to make decisions in my life that come from within rather than from a place of feeling without or influenced by external factors and opinions. I got this new bike because I wanted to feel this very thing.

Which got me reflecting more on how did I get HERE – to this place – where my body is draped in the hot Colorado sun and covered in the Earth’s dust – where my soul is full of exhilaration and – where my voice rings with laughter…all the while a global pandemic continues all around us and asks us to examine what matters most.

Let’s go back to 2019…A LOT happened in my life this time last year:
·       We agreed to divorce and refashion what co-parenting could be;
·       I shifted emotionally from a space of resentment and anger into forgiveness and love;
·       I decided to move to a town I loved for its energy, nature, and general vibe;
·       I rented a downtown apartment in a location that was soul-fulfilling albeit tiny;
·       I committed to start my life coaching and consulting business that summer; and,
·       I started to put into place the life I wanted and had only imagined at that point.

So I came back from my ride and decided to flip through my journal entries from early last May for funsies. I paused in that sort of deep introspective way when I read this:

“My goal for this year is to develop my voice grounded in the melding of my trinity –
heart, mind, and soul” (p. 186).

Have I done that? Have I lived up to that goal? Does that goal still resonate for me?

The answer to all those is a resounding FUCK, YEA! Is there more to do here? FUCK, YEA! Am I excited about that? You know the answer!

As I wrap up teaching for this semester, I connect this personal journey of voice to the work I do in collaboration with my students and coaching clients. The critical work of supporting myself and other womxn to recognize in our patterns from:
·       childhood conditioning and family experiences;
·       socialization from systems and cultures we were/are situated in (insert your own flavor of education, religion, work);
·       conditioning through media and society (all the norms that social media and ads tell us)

These last %$#@ weeks of Stay-at-Home/Quarantining/Distancing have presented so many opportunities to observe the old patterns that get triggered during stress; to then reflect on what really matters; what of our patterns are those of other people/society/culture/religion and, the freedom to create what refuels LIFE in that heart, mind, and soul kind of way.

I know this isn’t a new year in any calendar although it is the end of an academic year. Spring is about rebirth - of growth, renewal, and the continuation of life. These are the messages that the month of May brings within a variety of cultures and belief systems all around the world and throughout history. In looking to nature, we see indications that life continues on, and we move into the cycle of rebirth, shedding things that no longer serve our internal life and nurture the parts that show promise to bear fruit and new growth.

I plan to spend this week celebrating my victories and marking the significance of this anniversary of sorts. I will continue to reflect on the ways I want to step more into VOICE from the place of my own personal, authentic trinity in this next year.

·      How do you support your own VOICE – the one that comes from your internal knowing?
·      What do you want to FEEL in a year from now? And then how can you make steps towards that feeling?
·      Where do you find and feel unadulterated JOY in your life?
·      What are you ready to let go of in order to feel a bit more FREEDOM in your days?

I’d love to hear what bring your joy and freedom and your goals!