I Took a Break & Now I'm Back with "Enough is a Decision, Not an Amount"

Oct 17

I last posted a blog entry as spring semester wrapped up. Now half way into fall semester, I’m still remote/virtual for my work and teaching, to which I am grateful for and privileged in so many ways.

I allowed myself to step away from regular journaling and blog writing for the summer. And then with starting up fall semester I don’t know, folx, but between remote/virtual schooling of my 2nd grader, buying/renovating an old little house (you can follow along on my IG storyhighlights), cat adoption (Millie the Cat is back), 2 months plus of Colorado wildfire poor air quality, and, you know, continued pandemic, racial injustices, and election fatigue, I retreated inward, big time.

Fast forward to now, the early days of autumn, I find myself having occasional moments of clearing in my cognitive and emotional haze of these past months. And I find myself wanting to write and share as a way to publicly process and move through these days and emotions.

Last Friday evening I was biking with a friend and I said, “I miss the earlier days of the pandemic.” She looks at me and actually agreed. To which I laughed at the absurdity of my statement because I never thought I’d long for those days but here’s why. Back then, I felt the hope that we as a community, nation, and world, were on the precipice of (un)learning and (re)creating a society and lives where we prioritized well-being of self and community over capitalism and oppression. Now I feel that many industries and people have not only ramped back up but maybe even more so that pre-COVID.

That leads me to….“Enough is a decision, not an amount,” as where I want to pick back up in my blogging.

So. I’m blessed to be co-teaching one of my classes this semester with an amazing PhD student of mine - shout out here Paige if you read this - I appreciate you tons. One of the moments I look forward to each week is when, after 3 hours of facilitating class zoom, we both stay on and process class, chat, and enjoy each other’s company before calling it a day.

One night, I think it was week 6 or 7, I’m lamenting over my growing work to-do list that has increased with decreases in support at work and increase in demands from admin and student’s needs.

She kindly but directly says to me, “you know, Tamara, I learned this from a professor at my last institution, “Enough is a decision, not an amount.””

Ohhhhh. Fuck. Ok. Yep.

Her words hit squarely in my chest because I know she’s right and I know that since the pandemic hit, I’ve been back to 110% over-functioning and over-caring modes.

Then I hear this quote from Sonya Renee Taylor, as heard on Unlocking Us podcast with Brené Brown, that puts it all into perspective:

“We will not go back to normal. Normal never was. Our pre-corona existence was not normal, other than we normalized greed, inequity, exhaustion, depletion, extraction, disconnection, confusion, rage, hoarding, hate, and lack. We should not long to return, my friends. We are being given the opportunity to stitch a new garment, one that fits all of humanity and nature.”

This. This is the opportunity. We are being asked to evolve not retreat back or regress. I’m going to think and feel into this more over these next days/weeks. As cooler weather and winds settle into Colorado and maybe where you are too, let’s use this time to introspect and revisit — what’s the world we want to create and live in during and through and after this pandemic. Let’s not long for the normal of the world before that was so hurtful and harmful to so many. Let’s know when we need to establish our boundaries and say, ‘that’s enough for today.’ Let’s create a new world. Let’s vote - because many people’s lives depend on this vote. Let’s dream big - of a better world that is inclusive for everyone not just a few.

Be safe. Wear a mask for yourself and mostly for others.

Be well, friends. Until the next clearing of my pandemic mental haze…..