Living in Gratitude and Grief during Crisis and Stay at Home Orders

Mar 31

Grief and gratitude – over the last couple weeks, I’ve held both of these simultaneously and, at other times, I’ve cycle back and forth between them.

One space grief and gratitude have risen up has been in virtual/live yoga classes that I used to attend in person. The reason is I am grieving the loss of my normal routine and my in-person connections with my community, which is one of my top personal values. During moments of class, grief wells up from deep inside and my body trembles with pain and loss. And also, I feel gratitude for my teachers and friends and the opportunity to continue my spiritual and physical practice.

And this is perfectly normal and to be expected during these unprecedented times.

Grief is a part of pain.
Pain is a part of the humxn experience.
Grieving is a process.
And experiencing it helps us transform and grow.

Grief has flooded my body,
I’ve cried it out and been overcome with tears,
But always, it leaves me when its complete,
Often quite – all of these experiences are part of experiencing the pain rather than denying it.

In the process of grieving these weeks, it has overtaken me at times.
Quite to my surprise usually as it comes when I’ve least expected it.

Before the pandemic, I’ve been self-coaching to reengage with ‘all the feels’ in my life. I believe it was Glennon Doyle in her recent book Untamed who said, (paraphrasing), ‘if you’re fine, then you’re half dead’. Yep….and I don’t want to live this one life half dead….

Yet, just 3 or so years ago, I would have numbed out any discomfort or emotional and mental pain. I would’ve run harder and longer and exercised more to the point of strain. I would’ve drank more wine, watched more streaming TV shows, yo-yo-ed with food, avoided conflict and conversations that were hard, I would’ve withdrawn and gone silent. I would’ve put any other energy into my professional work and research – overworking was the socially acceptable way of numbing.

That’s not who I am today and it is not who I see myself as when I envision living my best life full of love and living. I’m here then to share in case others need to hear this.

I am grieving…

Loss.
In person connections.
Privileges of going and doing whatever and whenever.
School routines and care of my daughter by others.
Future plans of vacations, work trips, and potentional.
Comfort from what was normal and could be expected in my days and the world.
Health and security of myself, my family, and loved ones, and of the world’s people.

I am full of gratitude for…

Love.
Blooming daffodils, crocus, and other early spring flowers.
Family and friends who show up for me and whom I can show up for also.
Rituals, like making coffee in my French Press and inhaling the flavor slowly each morning.
My yoga community gone virtual/live.
Nature’s beauty and bounty and her reminder of the cycle of life through spring’s messages.
The ease of access to outside exercise and the ability to bike, hike, walk, run.
Opportunity to envision a new normal fueled by my values.
Technology and luxuries that allow me to connect easily and remote work.
Financial stability and food security.
Health.
Neighbors.
Baked goods and local businesses.

So I’ve been working through these days to come to a space where in this present moment:
I’m grieving and grateful.
I’m okay and safe.
I’m heartbroken and whole.
I’m healing and moving forward.
I’m loved and am love.
I feel all of my feels.
And I know that light returns after times of darkness.

Dear friends,
What are you grieving and what are you grateful for?
How are you embracing the dark and the light during these challenging times?
How are you taking care of yourself and honoring all your feels?

Be well, feel your feels, let me know how I can support you!

Love,
Tamara