Celebration: I'm 2 years sober!!!
The catalyst. Two years ago, I got really, really sick after my birthday night (12/26) and that laid me up in bed for the next 5 days. The combination of wine pairings and a flu bug turned my stomach sour when I thought about alcohol.
The solution. #dryJanuary participation. I talked some friends into joining a plan of not drinking for the month. I mean, how hard could it be? And it was only one month? And wouldn’t we all feel great detoxing our livers.
The truth. It was hard. It was super socially awkward. I didn’t know how to really and truly connect with other humxns without some libations to ease the awkwardness. Things that used to be fun or funny weren’t so. And I had to face the issues that were mine and mine alone that drinking had been hiding. The harder truth to say is that I have had other incidents of drunkenness and shitty feelings that should have been catalysts but this was the one that finally worked because I was ready to create some major changes in my life.
The lessons and gifts of sobriety. There are many and I’ll share a few that could be helpful to others.
· Sitting with self. At first it was really hard to be with myself. Without the mood and mind alterations. Just with me and my thoughts, as they were. No filters. It was not a pretty place. I’m now more aware of my tendency for addiction-like behaviors that we view as being healthy, such as, dieting, working out a lot, over-achieving or working. For me, they share some roots. YIKES. It’s funny now though because, I get really moody if I DON’T get my time alone in silence with myself. What a shift.
· Time. I gained time - in my evenings and weekends to do other things that, shockingly (insert sarcasm), were more fulfilling. The number of books I’ve read over these years, are plenty. Journaling is a daily practice now, morning always and often evenings, too. Deeper relationships too, as I can focus on reading and doing art with my daughter. This is the life I want!
· Health. This one seems obvious. For me though it meant no more headaches the next day, no more sluggish mornings, or dried out skin. The mental health benefits - those alone are enough that I have no desire to drink again.
· Rituals. Drinking was a post-work ritual. It was how I transitioned out of work mode into home. Rituals are important markers in our days. I’m pleased to say that hot tea seems to fulfill that need quite well. Occasional chocolate doesn’t hurt either.
· Coping. Alcohol eased the edge off of stress from work, or that’s the story I told myself. My energy with wine was clingy and needy though. It never addressed the anxiety or stress either, not really. Instead, over the last two years I’ve added in yoga, meditation, journaling, and awareness (which was really challenging at first). These seem to be much more adept at coping with the downs of life and I don’t need alcohol in the ups of life either.
· Breaking family patterns. Saved the big one for last to weed out people who aren’t really interested or ready to hear this. I had to look at the hard reality that alcoholism is an issue and pattern in my family, immediate and extended. It’s damaged relationships and health and fulfillment in life. Combined with the awareness that developed from the above items, sitting with the drunkenness, and watching how it is rationalized as high functioning or just a little (many glasses later), really made me look at how we, including myself, all got here. I’m still doing my work to heal from these patterns and to make sure that I break this cycle for next generation. This ain’t easy and I’m sure I’ll piss off some people with this but I come by it honesty. I’m done contributing to the secrets and shame that surrounds alcoholism. No one wins with this one and I’m here to stop it in myself.
So what?
I knew I wanted to share this post because:
· Fuck shame and secrets of taboo topics. I want to shed light on all these things that are forbidden to talk about and to do it more openly without judgement. People and families can heal only if they feel they can ask for help, find support, and learn new patterns of behavior. It’s hard enough to do this work, let alone to try and do it in a society that shames people and judges. Let’s start building and supporting each other this new decade.
· I’m damn proud of me. This decision was a major catalyst that propelled me stepping forward into my life - owning it and being accountable for every decision that I make. My choices. My life. And for me, living and loving my life, means sans alcohol, most likely forever here on out, and I’m 100+% good with my choice.
Now what?
I don’t know what the now what is for you. That’s your choice. I’d love to hear from you though. I think alcohol is something we don’t talk enough about regarding its consequences and impacts, regardless of if you have it as an addiction in your family or not. Being sober has gifted me awareness and control over my life to change what doesn’t serve me anymore and to create what I do want. It’s one of the top decisions I’ve ever made and that’s not to say it was without push back from others and the loss of some social events. But ya know what, you can ALWAYS buy me a coffee or tea! ;)
· If you’re intrigued, try #dryJanuary and just notice your thoughts, patterns, and feelings. No judgment, just experimentation. It’s a campaign in the UK with some good resources: https://alcoholchange.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/dry-january
· Read more, there’s a book called Sober Curious and that can be of interest to people who don’t identify with the alcoholic language but are, well, curious.
· If you know alcohol is an issue, reach out to professionals: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline or if you work in higher ed, there’s likely a counseling center there.
· If you are the adult child of an alcoholic, drinking may impact you differently than others. Learn more about being an ACoA. This is a particular area of interest to me in some of the personal work I’m doing so if you want more readings or want to talk, let me know.
· As always, journal your way to awareness and drink more tea!
Be well this holiday season and new year!