Routines Are Created: So What Do You Want to FEEL?
Been thinking a lot about routines - mine and my higher ed coaching clients.
Pre-pandemic routines were busy and very go-go-go. It was common to be triple booked for one time slot. And the expectation was to figure them all out.
Pandemic routines were slow and outside focused - for the kiddo and I anyway. At first. Then the higher ed workplace got antsy and wanted more busy. More spreadsheet budget what-if scenarios. More brainstorming how to squeeze more out of people who were in burnout and crisis.
Then “new normal” pandemic routine I’d been hearing about for this fall was one of the above scenarios. Full back to normal workloads means your pre-pandemic job plus the 3 others from people who left and weren’t replaced. On top of extra care-giving not just at home but of students to keep them enrolled. That triple-booked is sounding like that plus 10 hour workdays and some on weekends.
I hear the fatigue already in my clients and colleagues’ voices. So I’ve been preemptively coaching about:
-What do you want to FEEL in your routine?
-What type of morning do you want?
-What’s your cycle of creative energy and flow? Both in the day and the week.
-What are the priorities of the week?
-What then needs to be delegated, deleted, or delayed?
Because it’s not true that you can do it all. That’s a trauma response that higher ed preys on. You have nothing to prove. And I bet you’re already exceeding your job expectations just in the first hour of the day.
I quit higher ed before this new academic year started because there was no going back for me. That cycle of overwork toxicity no longer left “good” or fueled my childhood trauma wounds of needing to be needed and seen. Needing to “save” other people or situations. Needing to “just let me do it” instead of mentoring others through their learning and failure. Needing and hoping for external validation and praise from administrators and colleagues that never comes because their egos are too wounded.
As I healed myself over these last years - physically from the toll of stress and anxiety and emotionally from wounds and ego-stories - higher ed felt less and less attractive as a place to be. My identity as a professor and administrator became less important to almost silly that that was how I used to describe myself. (Hello, yes, I’m a #recoveringacademic - that’s me now proudly and gladly).
So I asked myself what back to school routine did I want? What did I want to FEEL in my morning? Spent some time crafting it. Talking with the kiddo about it. Planning out the logistics. And you know what came of that work!?
Wowzers - holy fuck it FELT fucking amazing today!!!
Now I’m not disillusioned that it will work out every day. Some days will feel more grinding than others or I’ll let myself stay up too late making that alarm a nightmare the next morning. And those will be the times to practice self-compassion and let go of ‘should-ing’ myself to death.
But damn I’m proud of the intentional work to get to this spaciousness of designing the life I want to live and love boldly! And I’m also damn proud of my 3rd grader because that bike ride to school in the morning if 4.5 miles one way via the trail system in town.
Want to change up your own morning routine?
Journal the questions above and be you sure to start with the FEELING you want first. Logistics are easier and where our brain wants to go immediately. Feel the feeling and then work through what need to delete, delegate, or delay to make it happen. And just wake up every morning and give it another go.
Good luck to my higher ed friends and back to school goers out there! If you need more support, here’s my plug: I’ve designed a new mentorship coaching program to support higher ed folks paradigm shift their work and life!
I got you because I finally got myself! All the love!
Our back to school routine details:
Alarm 630am
Coffee/dog goes out/kid breakfast time
Dressed for school
Dog walk and drink coffee while walking time
2nd breakfast time and pack up
Dog crates up
Humxns bike up
Off we go for 30 minutes biking to school
Then I turn back and bike home
Night before: check bikes, pack backpack and snacks, lay out clothes, be in bed by 830p
What I love about this - the FEELINGS - the feeling of prepared, the feeling of body movement, the feeling of connection with the pupper and kiddo sans noise or distractions. The biking taps into the feeling I had when we lived in Finland during my sabbatical and we had to bike everywhere but the bike paths were often through forested and green spaces. There was no busy culture there. It was spacious and outdoorsy and dreamy. I felt THAT this morning.