Satiating the Hunger of Winter with Connection

winter

Jan 10

If ever there was a book written for our current work, it’s Katherine May’s, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. I picked it up to reread this winter. For January, she talks about this unsettling hunger, like our native wolves this time of year, that arises during this season where,

We want in the archaic sense of the world, as if we are lacking something and need to absorb it in order to be whole again. These wants are often astonishingly inaccurate: drugs and alcohol, which poison instead of reintegrate; relationship with people who do not make us feel safe or loved; objects that we do not need, cannot afford, which hang around our necks like albatrosses of debt long after the yearning for them has passed. Underneath this chaos and clutter lies a longing for more elemental things - love, beauty, comfort, a short spell of oblivion once in a while. Everyday life is often isolated, dreary, and lonely. A little craving is understandable. A little craving might actually be the rallying cry of survival. (pp. 158-9)

The season of winter which brings a deep hunger that may feel insatiable points us inward - into our homes and our minds/emotions. But most of us are so out of sync with Nature and needing rest that we may not even realize because our nervous system stays activated or stays in a hyperaroused state from chronic stress. So we feel this unsettled, ungrounded, hunger but without the energy that typically comes in growth seasons.

The hunger for comfort, cozy, connection is universal. It’s why the Danish concept of hygge became popular in the US a few years ago. Having spent part of my sabbatical in 2017 in Finland, this time of year I crave rye/oatmeal porridge with jarred berry jam from summer and my knitted socks and mittens I bought at a market there from an older lady. These things are soothing and satiating because they engage deep sensations in my body that affects my emotions positively. It would not be overselling to say, these are a few of the things I love because they connect me and fill me with pleasure.

Cozy comfort is pleasurable and soothing during time that not only is darker, feels darker emotionally. For many it may seem that to give into rest would be to give into dark feelings and discomfort. All the opposite of pleasure because modern times have taught us to skip the discomfort and get to the pleasure but what that leads us to is numbing and disconnection. The opposite of feeling satisfied.

To rest is to connect inward and listen to what your body, soul, mind, and emotions need most at that moment. Reminder, there are at least seven types of rest that we need: physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative and spiritual.

Rest is pleasurable. When rest is depleted in a few categories, it makes it hard to connect with pleasure or enjoyable and satisfying experiences and feelings, Both rest and pleasure often go against societal norms and messages. Yet, inviting pleasure is to reclaim our wholeness - our worthiness just as we are.

Winter is the season where Nature gets quieter - I think about the blissful silence after a snow fall. Winter is the season where it’s darker longer so that animals huddle restfully. Winter is the season to be intentional about doing less and doing less in ways that are restorative rather than dissociative, which I’ll talk about next week more.

I wonder though, do we know ourselves well enough to know how to satiate that hunger with restful connection (within, to nature, and others) rather than distraction or disassociation?

Here are some practices that can fill the hunger of connection:

Nature. This will always be a go to suggestion from me. If you can get outside, then do so without phone or headphones. The more secluded or away from other distractions like people, the better. A walk after a snow fall is you’re so lucky, to connect with the magic of the season.
Cook something warm, filling and nourishing. Soups, stews, oatmeal, bread, whatever your thing is. As a Louisiana girl to the core of my stomach, I’m making up a crockpot batch of red beans and rice. Yum.
Steep the tea. Along the lines of soul-filling foods, is hot teas. However you like them. My teas shift throughout the day. Mornings are for green tea, then after lunch I switch to sweet & spicy or mint. The feel of hot mug and the smell of the tea makes for a satisfying experience before I even take a sip. It’s pleasurable. It’s a pause. It’s a rest.
Journaling. Another favorite although I’m usually a morning journaler and love starting my day connected in to self and also dumping out my brain thoughts. I always feel more erratic when I skip journaling or when I’m erratic I skip journaling. Journaling connects me to a pleasurable routine, and routines can feel nourishing and supportive.
Call/video/meet up with a friend. As Katherine May says in her quote above - make sure it’s folks who feel nourishing to you. At the end, you both walk away a little more energized and filled up. It feels like a soul-filled connection.