Rewriting Birthday “Rules”
Birthdays (especially those around holidays) come with a lot of reactions and emotions as we age. Society ties our worthiness and value to youth, productivity, and appearance. What has surprised me most is how liberating it feels to deinstitutionalize my body and brain from the old rules and narratives that no longer fit.
(What’s deinstitutionalizing? It’s the practice of untangling from the deeply ingrained norms, expectations, and values of the institutions or systems.)
I’ve come to see this as an essential part of resilience: deinstitutionalizing or letting go of what no longer serves us—whether it’s a career, an institution, or outdated stories about what success, aging, or fulfillment should look like. This isn’t just about menopause or midlife; it’s about the cycles of transition we all face, at any age or stage.
Because guess what? We keep aging, organizations keep changing, and cycles continue cycling. There is no bouncing back to some previous time and point in life, work, or our bodies. Deinstitutionalizing at this point involves rejecting the stigma of aging and embracing it as a time of wisdom, power, and transformation.
Marking my birthday is a rejection of aging quietly into invisibility or aging gracefully. Truthfully, aging through menopause has been clunky AF. I have not felt any grace in creaky joints, painful body parts, and the need to up my self-care routines. What it has done though is forced me to question my own expectations, obligations, ideas, and identities tied to outdated societal institutional norms–and especially the outdated beliefs and expectations in my own brain. And it’s invited in lots of regular opportunities to grow something new, but only when I choose to step out of my self-thrown pity party.
The letting go invites grief, which has the power to alchemize into creativity. When you grieve, you make space for new creations. Grieving and dreaming are partners.
This month, I’m embracing the practice of deinstitutionalizing or untethering — releasing (even when paired with a little kicking and screaming of pity parties at times, I’ll be honest) expectations and stepping fully into what this season of life offers. I invite you to join me in reflecting on your own transitions and exploring how resilience can guide you toward greater liberation and joy.
Here are a few questions to guide your own journey through transition and renewal:
What societal or personal expectations about your current age and life stage feel limiting or outdated?
What narratives about aging and your career are you ready to rewrite?
If you could release one institutionalized belief about aging, career, or identity, what would it be?
How can you honor your body’s wisdom during this stage of life?
What parts of your life or identity are you ready to deinstitutionalize to make space for growth?
Take a moment to sit with these questions or journal your thoughts. You might be surprised by what surfaces. If you’d like to give yourself the gift of a deinstitutionalizing journey, let’s connect. I’d love to hear your reflections or work together in one of my upcoming workshops or coaching programs.
In the meantime, I’ll mark my 48th birthday this Thursday by eating a fabulous sourdough cake from my favorite bakery - Little Bird - here in town and hanging with my loved ones, including Mother Nature.
Be well and stay tuned for next week. I have a 2024 Tree reflection practice to share with you.