January's Book Pile: Superhero Squirrel, Girl Warrior, & A Side of Trauma
Things to know about me. I am a life-long learner so most of my books are non-fiction with some poetry dabbled in. I am a book lover at a healthy hoarding level.
When I first started my blog a couple years ago, it had been a long time bucket list want of mine. One of the things I wanted to share were the books on my mind and nightstand.
I started that and the pandemic and depression threw a wrench into my ability/motivation to read/write. I went months not reading or writing because I was surviving during that time. And that’s cool. Here I am now recommitting to sharing out my books each month.
Adding in this round, a kid’s book. A lovely older neighbor got in the habit of sending my 3rd grader a new book - this firmed up our routine of nighttime reading aloud, both snuggled in my bed the doggo trying to squeeze in too.
Flora & Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures by Kate DiCamillo (2013)
Such an enjoyable, funny book. Don’t watch the movie until after if at all. We did later watch the movie but they changed 2 significant parts that make it different and annoying, but I’ll get there.
This one is about a squirrel who gets sucked up by a vacuum cleaner and comes out a superhero, Ulysses. The squirrel forms a friendship with Flora, a 10 yo, and they then are off on adventures of love, friendship, and squirrel poetry.
It features divorced parents, which is great to read something that reflects this as it’s my own kid’s situation. Disney changes this in the movie and makes a ‘happy’ ending of the parents getting back together. Utterly annoying AF, unrealistic, and unnecessary.
And because they did that, Disney also changed the villain of the book. In the book, the mom kinda goes off her rocker over the squirrel friendship but since the movie needed her to be the heartbroken wife they created a villain of disgruntled park ranger with overactive tranquilizing guns. Again annoying AF, unrealistic, and unnecessary. There are no guns in the book.
Anyway, the book. We laughed. We cited lines well after reading it. We imagine the world of squirrels as superheroes now.
I also love this author’s Because of Winn Dixie book, which features a lovable stray dog and a dad raising a daughter alone.
Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy (2015)
I learned about this book from staring with the author’s work on the Pandemic Flux on this Brené Brown podcast. Then given my work lately in trauma/somatics, I was intrigued by her connection of embody the emotions you want to project and your mind will follow. And, as Amy Cuddy is an academic, her work/book are well researched and supported.
What does she mean by presence? Cuddy defines it as:
The state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential. (P. 24)
Here are some of the things I like about this book or that stood out to me:
So many of us have lost or never knew how to be present with ourselves and others. And we think we can fake that, but the body doesn’t lie and subconsciously other’s sense that disconnect. This is why we say how actions inspire more trust than do words. While written pre-pandemic, now imagine this inability to be present compounded by zoom distancing, fatigue, tech, and collective trauma. Phew, fuck, right!
Capacity to be present is connected to knowing who you are - self-affirmation theory - but you have to believe it yourself. Mantras or self-affirmations statements and the like only ‘work’ if you believe it. I think we are seeing a massive crisis of folks who don’t know who they are outside of their work/careers/jobs - let alone not knowing their life’s purpose. This really sat with me as someone who used to have a hard time being alone even though I need alone because I’m an introvert. It makes sense - How can you be present with yourself if you lack a foundation in who you are?
Your presence improves other’s presence. That message resonates so much for me as a leader and connects to Brené Brown’s Daring Leaders vs Armored Leaders. It is human nature to want to be seen and to have connection - we feel and do this when other’s offer that presence.
Cuddy connects imposter syndrome with a lack of presence ability in high-achieving women (and men, all can experience it). This is a bigger topic but essentially, impostorism comes with perfectionism and anxiety which result from low self-acceptance and fears of failure. All of this “steals our power and suffocates our presence” because as Cuddy asks, “If even you don’t believe you should be here, how will you convince anybody else?” (p. 89) OUCH.
Lastly, for now, body postures. Traumas are trapped in our body - we all have trauma - it’s the human experience in part because we don’t let experiences cycle through fully, like other non-human animals do. Cuddy posits different ways you can posture your body to tap into your power ergo presence. Think chest opening postures - cobra in yoga, good posture while sitting and standing and walking, and ‘wonder woman’ standing for 5 minutes.
Try out that last tip and let me know how it goes. I’m a believer.
In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine.
I’m training with a somatic therapist on soulful somatic trauma work and this is one of our books. It’s more of an academic-y/technical book which if that’s your jam - neuroscience stuff then do it. Right now, I’m interested in understanding trauma and how to work with it from the perspective that we all have it - and even more so now with all the layers of collective trauma.
Unprocessed events become trauma sensations in the body. Moving through them and letting them complete the cycle of emotions and sensations = healing. Easier said than done since generally we avoid negative feelings in this culture. And if we can’t feel one type of emotions/sensation then we actually block fully feeling ANY! That sits with me hard as someone who says I want to live my best life full of all the feels. Well, shit, that means I’ve had to start learning how to tolerate my body sensations more and longer.
And I want my work to move us through and in healing ourselves so that we heal community and earth. Because that’s hard shit and we can’t control what’s outside of us - I think a lot then about resiliency building as real self-care.
Levine says,
People who are most resilient, and find the greatest peace in their lives, have learned to tolerate extreme sensations while graining the capacity for reflective self-awareness. (p. 137)
At this point, here’s what’s sitting with me:
Trauma incidents in our youth result more in paralysis than fight - as adults the work includes overcoming shame for not (insert the belief that you’ve held).
Staying in our heads and repeating the stories of our trauma can be counterproductive to healing. And this is the world of academia. This explains so much to me of why there are so many wounded folks walking around higher ed’s hallowed halls perpetuating harm often unknowingly.
The answer to the above is increasing tolerance for sensations while staying embodied.
Currently at this point I am convinced that more embodiment for all of us would equal a better world. But what does that mean? Levine says that to be embodied:
…means that we are guided by our instincts while simultaneously having the opportune to be self-aware of that guidance. This self-awareness requires us to recognize and track our sensations and feelings. We unveil our instincts as they live within us, rather than being alienated from them or forcibly driven by them. (p. 278)
Embodiment is the connection back to our internal intuition - gut feelings - inner wisdom.
To be alive is to be living fully in your body, moving, sensing, engaging - being present.
While there’s so much more in his text, including practices. More to come on those in another blog post I’m sure.
Poet Warrior: A Memoir by Joy Harjo (2021)
Here’s my new release - non-work related fun non-fiction read. Joy Harjo - if you don’t know her - is a member of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation and was named 2019 US Poet Laureate.
Her memoir is story in forms of narrative, poems, history, ancestor remembering. The poems take the story of “Girl-Warrior” - which I assume is reflection on her childhood - a way of making poetic sense of senseless adults and oppressive systems around her. Those poems are part of the my favorite thing about her writing - which makes sense as I know her as a poet first.
And I think connecting with the above books/convo on trauma, Harjo describes her family stories and lives as “quite a catalog of abuse and addictive behaviors.” Then she goes on,
We are all here to serve each other. At some point we have to understand that we do not need t carry a story that is unbearable. We can observe the story, which is mental; feel the story, which is physical; let the story go, which is emotional; then forgive the story, which is spiritual, after which we use the materials of it to build a house of knowledge. (p. 20)
What a beautify way to express healing.
