Stop shoulding yourself

Dec 19

While there’s a part of me that enjoys this time of year - I increasingly love wintering and lights - there’s also a part of me that feels the shoulds and gets overwhelmed.

The shoulds disconnect us from our bodies. And then they build up into regrets and grief.

The impact of living disconnected from your body likely shows up as feelings of frustration, anger, grief, sadness, and the like. This makes sense because if you imagine the ripple effect of suppressing those feelings over and over then those physical sensations become stuck. Energy doesn’t flow. Over time, all of this dims your aliveness and wholeness.

Living in the shoulds leads people into burnout or rust out, where you feel unmotivated and uninspired. Rust out can come from a shift in your purpose, meaning, and values since when you became your career journey. Likely it’s all shifted because you got clearer on what YOU actually want and who you actually are rather than living from all those shoulds. (We’ll dig into this during my free workshop on rust out on January 19.)

When you shift out of shoulds and instead listen and respond to your body (embodied action), you start to shift into joy, empowerment, and opportunity.

Winter break is right around the corner for most of us, and it offers us many ways to shift out of shoulds. Try this:

Think about and write down what you have coming up over the next two weeks – to-dos, events, holiday preparation, end of year wrap up, etc.
Mark which of these refuel your energy and, for the purpose of this activity, put a line through those that feel draining.
What are you noticing in your body - your felt sensations? Here’s a list of describing words to help.
How would you feel if you cancel, don’t do, or reschedule some of those draining shoulds? Notice the stories that pop up with just the thought of canceling. Notice the felt sensations attached to those stories.
Is there one little step you can take to create more space and freedom based in this knowledge? Do that. And while you do, set any guilt aside and feel the freedom.